Wooden Duck Molested by Raccoons

Fort Lauderdale, April 22, 2011

Melville Campo, reported to local police officers that the family wooden duck, Angelica, recently refurbished, repainted and placed outside his front door had been attacked by five raccoons. He and his family are devastated. Campo, a Unitarian deacon, and long time animal advocate, seemed shattered while telling this story.

The investigating officers suggested calling animal control. Mr. Campo said he might refer the incident to the IRCOOP, or International Raccoon Coop, which has recently become an international organization dedicated to raccoon care and love.

He said, that these raccoons, long time neighborhood beasts were getting pretty old. Campo cited a recent study mentioned in the February 21st edition of Time Magazine states that telomeres are segments of DNA connected to aging. “Researchers at Harvard Medical School administered…telomerase, an enzyme that reverses the process.” Campo thinks this procedure along with other combinations of science and prayer might diminish attacks by aging raccoons who might also be mentally unstable. .

Angelica the Duck has been repainted and reset by Mr. Campo’s front door. A small glass necklace with blue blinking lights is strung about her neck. Police have agreed to drive by Mr. Campo’s home on a regular basis. Mr. Campo plans to add more ducks to the flock which might lower the chance of raccoon attacks or possible molestation.